Wolf Pack Press

Wolf Pack Press

Shaylee Castle
Shaylee Castle is my name, my age is not required. I’m a senior and just ready to graduate. I love the color blue and if you happen to hear my music, it’s always something different. I can’t really say that I have a genre of music that I avoid because I listen to everything from rock, to pop, Spanish music, and even rarely country. I love writing, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be in this class. I don’t really stick to one thing. I’m fairly random and enjoy it that way. Those who know me, never know what I’m gonna do. Who I am can be unpredictable.

Who I am is definitely not normal and I like it that way. If I was normal, it would get boring. I also love reading and could never tell you my favorite book because I love so many of them. I also create art but haven’t done it in awhile, kind of lost the motivation for that temporarily because I enjoy sleep and I work at Flowerland. When I have free time, I try to volunteer my time helping others because it’s what I enjoy but not many know that.

Growing up, I’ve always struggled with school and home life. I had difficulties keeping up with other kids in my classes and never really got the best of grades even when I understood what I learned. It felt like I forgot it during tests and I made small mistakes. I’d often help other kids or do their work for them when I knew the criteria but never really asked for help myself. I’ve been bullied throughout the years but it stopped bugging me when I stopped caring. I thought that keeping my grades lower would keep me out of their line of sight and when I started doing that, it actually made it harder to keep up and easier to get behind in work.

I think it grew increasingly worse in junior high when I lost my best friend Brandon, who few knew was also my crush. Not even he himself knew that. I didn’t feel like school was worth it and I didn’t think I would even make it this far so I gave up. Losing more friends only made it worse. I went to Forest View after Brandon took his life and it just didn’t really fix me. I was on medications to try to make me happier and it just can’t really take the pain of loss away. I felt like I couldn’t ever talk about me, or things I’ve experienced in my life. I started having more issues at home: arguing with my mother more and more, dealing with many obstacles and not knowing how to deal with them. I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t get a breath. I’d get kicked out of my home and it’d be stressful but like a vacation. Life became increasingly difficult.

I still couldn’t get Brandon out of my head, on top of Michael, and Cody. I started feeling like everything was happening to me because I deserved it. I thought I deserved these awful things that were happening. I tried to make friends to distract me from these things that were happening but I’m not exactly a social person. I wanted to be friends but people thought I was weird and that’s weird to people. My mom left me on my birthday and came back afterwards and I just broke. She kicked me out and I left. I lived with toxic roommates and tried to deal with it because I didn’t really have other options. We lost our first apartment and were evicted, so me and one other roommate made enough money to get another apartment over in Holt, Michigan.

We had enough to get groceries and to pay our new roommates rent. I went to school there, and have never been to a new school before. I felt high anxiety. I was terrified, but it was one of the best choices I made. I was so shy but other classmates were so happy to see me and were eager to get to know me and that’s not something I’m used to. It was nice for a change, going to a big school, nobody really knowing the things you have been through. I was treated like a normal person and not like some disease. I scared them, I think, because I immediately started crying, not because I was sad but because I was happy. Other classmates started hugging me and it was just so refreshing. It helped me remember how to be me again and that was something that I forgot in elementary school. I was so focussed on trying to make myself go unnoticed and keep others happy I forgot how to be myself. I was unhappy.

Walking into Holt High School was like being able to finally breath. I felt welcomed. I’d get off of the bus, drop my backpack off at the office, get breakfast and go sit with my new friend Justo in the library. Being new was like having a second chance at life, a second chance to change how my life goes. I took a cooking class and absolutely loved it. I also joined a choir class called cantique and made some amazing friends. I have been in a choir for seven years now, and Honors Choir for four of those years. I enjoy the environment and family atmosphere that it has and I enjoy singing and music, so it’s a good fit for me.

The thing about me, is I love easily and care too much even if I seem like I don’t. I even care for people who don’t really deserve it. It’s like a bad habit, having a soft heart. I feel like I have to help people because I want everyone to be happy even if I know that’s not exactly possible. I guess the side people don’t really see though is that I hold a lot of pain inside of myself. I also can be really mature, but at school I try not to be because when I’m not mature, I’m making others laugh and smile. I can be serious though, but only when it’s needed. Life is too short to treat everything like a job and suck the fun out of things. I enjoy being random, and being off topic. If you stay on topic the whole time it gets boring and that’s just not how my mind works.

I am Shaylee, and I am many different things. I can’t exactly give you a description of myself because I don’t even expect what I’ll do next. I surprise myself most days. I can be clueless or I can be intelligent. I could also be super energetic and exhausted at the same time, you just never know. Just know, I never turn a blind eye to someone in need. I’ll always try my best even if it doesn’t seem like it. I just want to make life a better place and improve life in some way even if it’s just a little bit. Though I’ve said a lot, this isn’t everything about me and there’s many things most won’t ever know, but that’s quite alright. I’m weird and different and very proud of that. I am proud of the progress I’ve made and how far I’ve come. I never thought I’d make it this far, but I’m glad I have. I look forward to the future I have ahead of me. And as I would say at work, “Have a wonderful day and be safe getting home.”
(P.s most errors were on purpose Cornell. Good luck finding them!)

Shaylee Castle, Contributing Writer

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